I Take It In

"I take it in..."

I read that off of her blog.

If you only knew what she was talking about,

What wrecks both her life and mines, 

Would you be able to take it in?

For seven years I thought about her and her mother,

I enslaved my shell and my soul, 

I gave what what wasn't deserved,

and for seven years, 

I took it all in.

I see her today and I see her, her sister and her mother,

Reflections of love,

Reflections of strength,

Reflections of a tragedy,

Reflections of myself...

A woman

Taken advantage of

Hurt

Torn

Impured

Lost

Relieved

Scared

Anxious

Scarred

I eventually grew with the years

My decisions didn't reflect growth

But the distance between us did

It wasn't enough.

Desire drove him to his destiny

Repression breeds resistance

Liberty and justice for all

"How do you plead?"

"Not Guilty"

She finally went to see him

Said it was hard to see someone in all orange,

Bald with no hair,

Whom she hasn't seen for over a year.

An innocent four year old,

Growing up without knowing

Why her father doesn't tuck her in at night.

A young girl,

Blossoming into womanhood

Proms, first dates

No father figure around.

Memories that will be looked back upon,

Are half empty and incomplete.

I look in the mirror 

And my whole world crumbles in disgust and guilt

As much as one can pray,

Things cannot be undone.

Seven years,

I died so they could live,

I gave up my voice,

So they could talk.

I gave up my heart for them,

So theirs would not break.

But now there are only broken hearts,

Seeking to heal themselves and rid themselves 

From wanting ...whatever kind of love, affection, accomodation

That cohesive families desire from each other.

And blogs take the place of an estranged loved one.

While I sit here and read

Newspapers, captions, Associated Press, blogs...

Each painful year flashes in my head, 

Perfect years at my cost,

Down the drain,

At the cost of the girls and their mother.

She finally went to see him,

In jail, where family reunions will be held from now on.

It was "loving... happy" she said.

"But I take it in".

We all take it in.